Willing To Seek Hope, Unlocking The Door.
If you know me, us, then you know why I picked this image. The lightning bolt is one of Paul’s symbols. So, this image feels perfect.
There are walls and then there are doors. Walls are immovable, technically. But doors can be opened, closed, locked. Even locked doors hold hope because they can be unlocked. To unlock, one must be willing:
to try
to receive
to be open
I remember a particularly intense teenage meltdown. The door was locked. Or was it blocked? I don’t know. Either way, I couldn’t open it. Only he could open that door - the one that stood between us, between my willingness and his anger. All I could do was wait, hope. I had to be willing to wait and hope.
Hope - maybe that’s the key to unlocking.
Ultimately, he opened the door. Still seething, but willing. It only takes a small glimmer of willingness - this opens the door to hope.
And he did, open the door, move forward, discover life on the other side of the door once locked by anger. As willingness became hope, he discovered friendship. Real friendship. Not the kind bought and sold in the material world. It was a connection that can only be forged through shared hearts, suffering, empathy, and love.
On the other side of the door once locked by anger, he discovered love. Not heart emoji love. But true connection, I’ll be there when the chips are down and the world feels hopeless love. That’s the love he brought back to his family. The ones easiest to lock away with anger.
This is what you see when he smiles, what you hear when he laughs, what you feel when he hugs you. This is what the world will miss. THIS is what I miss and so much more.
Someone asked, what does it all matter if it can end like this? What’s the point?
My answer is it matters because every day of his life mattered. It’s not about what’s left undone. It’s about the ripple you send out while you’re here. Every day of his life mattered, and so does yours. Every day you have a choice to offer hope, to be the key to someone’s locked door.
On his Honor Quilt, it says “You can’t live a perfect day without doing something for someone who will never be able to repay you.” John Wooden
And so, I guess my worst day was his perfect day. I don’t really believe that. It was someone’s perfect day. That I believe. He died as he lived, with adventure and a choice to lift up others so they may find hope.
But where does that leave me? Am I on the other side of the door now? Locked in by anger?
I’m the only one who can open the door. And so now I have to find a tiny shred of willingness and, one step at a time, allow willing to become hope and hope to become love.
I know from our journey that how I have experienced everything, including love, has changed. Now, I have to be willing….